May 27, 2015

Breaking down the bracket

From xkcd last week...

Left column, from the top down...round one...
  • Neil over Louis Armstrong (walked on the moon wins almost every time)
  • Stretch over Lance Armstrong (one-ball cheated)
  • Bridges over Jeff Gordon (at least that's what the Earnhart fans say)
  • Jack over Jeff Daniels (Gentleman wins)
  • Orson over HG Wells (love Citizen Kane)
  • George Orwell over Wells Fargo (1984 is stunning)
  • Kurt Russell over Russell Brand, Crowe, and Simmons (on the basis of Tombstone and Wyatt Erp)
  • Richard over Gene Simmons (meh)
  • Alan Rickman over Hugh Jackman and Gene Hackman (toughest call yet)
  • Alan Parsons over Alan Partridge (better project)
  • Eugene McCarthy over Jenny, Joseph, and Eugene V Debs (ventriloquist for the win)
  • Gene Wilder over Olivia and Oscar Wilde (though Olivia is way prettier)
  • Oscar de la Hoya over Renta (boxing hits fashion)
  • Jack Nicholson over Nicklaus (Jack!)
  • Phil Mickelson over Nicholas Nickleby (real over fiction)
  • Ryan over Bryan Adams (le enfant terible)
  • Chubby Checker over Fats Domino
  • Collin Farrell over Firth (Firth's too proper)
  • Will Ferrell over the Farrelly Brothers (one is better than two)
  • Joseph Godron-Levitt over Jennifer Love Hewitt (though JLH is pretty)
  • Donald over Danny Glover (and I'm not being Childish here)
  • Mark over Donnie Wahlberg (say hello to your mother)
  • Ruffalo over Mark Shuttleworth (who?)
Second round, same side...
  • Neil over Stretch Armstrong (moon man walks on)
  • Jeff Bridges over Jack Daniels (the Dude continues to abide)
  • Orson Wells over George Orwell (Orwell had one work, Orson had many)
  • Kurt Russell over Richard Simmons (in a romp)
  • Rickman over Parsons (it's Hans frickin' Gruber)
  • Gene Wilder over Oscar de la Hoya (creepier Willy Wonka)
  • Jack Nicholson over Phil Mickelson (he'd drink Phil under the table, too)
  • Ryan Adams over Chubby Checker (my fave here)
  • Will Ferrell over Collin Farrell (more hits)
  • Donald Glover over Mark Wahlberg (better music)
Third round, same side...
  • Jeff Bridges over Orson Wells (tough call, though...both are multitalented)
  • Alan Rickman over Kurt Russell (points off for "Sugar, Sugar")
  • Gene Wilder over Eugene McCarthy (Wonka creams him)
  • Jack Nicholson over Ryan Adams (Jack was wilder by far and cooler)
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt over Will Ferrell (JGL has been more consistently awesome)
  • Donald Glover over Mark Ruffalo (no hulking out here) 
 Fourth round, same side...
  • Neil Armstrong over Jeff Bridges (the fickin' moon!)
  • Alan Rickman over Gene Wilder (also the voice of God)
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt over Donald Glover (Glover's too inexperienced to go further)
Fifth round, left side still...
  • Neil Armstrong over Alan Rickman (Rickman just plays being awesome)
  • Jack Nicholson over Joseph Gordon-Levitt (it pains me, though)
Semifinals, left side...
  • Neil Armstrong over Jack Nicholson (seriously, to the moon, man)
 Right side...from the top...
  • Bill Paxton over Phillip and Bill Pullman (fodder for the next round)
  • Bull Murray over Dan Akroyd (oddly not named at all similarly)
  • Fred Rogers over Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers (not even in the same Neighborhood)
  • Mr Spock over Doctors Spock and Octopus (too cool for this)
  • Docton Manhattan over Strangelove or Strange (Manhattan was a God)
  • The Doctor over No and Doctrow (He is a time lord)
  • Jerry Lewis over Lee (wrote, directed, starred)
  • Jenny Lewis over Xeni Jardin (had to look up Boing Boing)
  • Chris Evans over Hemsworth (played two superheroes vs played one)
  • Pratt over Chris Pine (Captain Kirk can't quite make it here)
  • Shallots over Scallops (chewy) and scallions (garnish)
  • Souzanne Vega over Souxsie Sioux (too hard to spell)
  • Arnold Palmer over Tom Arnold and Amanda Palmer (Jack before Jack was Jack)
  • Anderson over Wes Craven (no nightmare here)
  • Paul Thomas Anderson over Poul Anderson (had to look Poul up)
  • Raleigh over Sir Walter Scott (prefer the name)
  • Frank over Sir Francis (science rules)
  • Halen over Vans Morrison or Wilder (Hagar, really)
  • Robert over Rip Van Winkle (dun dun dun dunnu dun dun - tss)
  • Natalie Imbruglia over Rip Torn (funny stuff)
  • The Body Shop over Bath and Body Works (is there a difference, really?)
  • Bed Bath and Beyond over Beyond Thunderdome (We don't need another hero)
Next round, right side, from the top...
  • Bill Murray kills Bill Paxton (our early favorite on the far weaker side)
  • Fred Rogers over Mister Spock (niceness over logic)
  • The Doctor over Doctor Manhattan (tough call, though)
  • Jerry over Jenny Lewis (she's a one-note pony)
  • Pratt over Chris Evans (funny guy)
  • Shallots over Suzanne Vega (garlic and onion together in one package)
  • Wes over Paul Thomas Anderson (more great films, though Punch Drunk Love is a fave)
  • Sir Francis Drake over Sir Walter Raleigh (I really have no idea what any of them did)
  • Van Halen over Robert Van Winkle (Vanilla Ice comes up against the real deal)
  • Bed Bath and Beyond over The Body Shop (far creepier place)
Third round, I think, right side...
  • Fred Rogers over The Doctor (kindness is more eternal)
  • Jerry Lewis over Chris Pratt (check out his appearance on Mad About You)
  • Shallots over Arnold Palmer (his drink isn't to my taste...gimme a John Daly)
  • Wes Anderson over Sir whoever we have left (I know what he did)
  • Van Halen over Natalie Imbruglia (two great singers over one great song)
  • Bed Bath and Beyond over Beyonce (upset, but Bey doesn't really do much for me)
Fourth round, I guess...
  • Bill Murray over Fred Rogers (no one will ever believe you)
  • Shallots over Wes Anderson (I hope they taste better)
  • Van Halen over Bed Bath and Beyond (even if one lead singer gets lost...)
Quarterfinals, right side...
  • Bill Murray over Chris Pratt (weirder dude, funnier, too)
  • Van Halen over Shallots (shallots get chopped)
  • Bill Murray over Van Halen (seriously, no one will ever believe you) 
The final...
  • Neil Armstrong downs Bill Murray (Bill Murray is weird and funny and brilliant...Neil is a national treasure)

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