Review: Monster Mini-Golf

So, I've got a thing for mini-golf.

Don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I've put together a rubric for rating courses (because ya have to have number to rate anything) and I once put together a website for mini-golf in the Cincinnati area.

I mention all of this just as an introduction to my review of Monster Mini-Golf in West Chester. I'd been looking to try out the relatively new course since it opened about a year ago (I pass it every day to and from school), and The Girl's school had a family fun night with a couple buck discount for each adult. So to the Monster we headed.

I dig the concept of the indoor mini-golf course. In a climate like ours here in Cincinnati, any outdoor miniature golf course gets a solid three or four month season plus a dicey month or two on either end of that season. Moving the course indoors extends the season year round, but such a course needs to find a different way to draw in casual customers, those who might drive by an outdoor course and choose to drop in for a game. If the indoor course doesn't have that steady source of walk-by traffic, what they gain in year-round playability, I think they'll trade off for decreased visibility.

Monster Mini-Golf's gimmick then, is a game played under black light and an amazingly efficient use of their interior space. The front of the store is taken up by a half dozen fluorescent games - air hockey, video games, typical Chuck E Cheese stuff - and two party rooms available for birthday parties and sweet sixteens (catering to a demographic more in line with the decorations and mood of the place).

From there, every inch of the back half to two-thirds of the store is taken up with the course itself. The holes are bordered by landscape timbers (maybe 6x6") that have been sponge painted with fluorescent paint. Framed on these are simple boxes as bumpers and angled barricades. These are also important as without them, there would be no places to stand off course, to avoid being in someone's field of play as every single inch of the course is part of the eighteen holes.

Within the holes are monster-themed obstacles - rattling cages, glowing pumpkins, fluorescent haunted houses - all of which glow under the ultraviolet lights. The walls are hung with fluorescent monster vignettes on black fabric, and the corners are taken up by a DJ booth and a scene of Frankenstein's monster who rises up and scares the patrons at the worker's bidding.

It's a neat theme and makes for a festive atmosphere, something probably more suited to teens than to lower elementary kids - not because the artwork is particularly scary but because of the music choice being a little more aggressive and a little more Green Day than Jonas Brothers.

As to the playability of the course itself, I found it largely boring. The carpet that the course uses runs a little fast but true, utilizing a slightly shaggier and lighter-colored carpet for the "sand traps". The tee mats are monster-paw-shaped with LEDs marking their presence, but the mats aren't flush with the carpet so they actually end up being a hindrance to the putting. We avoided the tee mats entirely - and even got a visit from an employee trying to make sure that we understood that the tee mats were there.

The style of play, then, is also boring as there are no elevation changes and no real variation in the obstacles. Every hole plays as a flat rectangle with a few forty-five degree angles built into the rectangle. There are no slopes to roll across, no round edges to play against, and very little variety at all on the course. Two of the holes have any slope at all - the finishing hole into the clown's mouth - but that's a very easy hole in one - and the corner hole into Frankenstein's monster. The Frank hole allows players to take risk versus reward up a ramp toward the monster, but it cops out by providing a significantly easier straight path around the ramp.

It's a course for people who care more about the atmosphere than about the actual playing experience.

I'll admit that the rubric is built more for outside courses than inside, but let's check the numbers...

• Upkeep - 10 of 10 - The course could have opened a week before we got there, and I'm not sure I would have been able to tell the difference. The lack of weather wear and tear clearly helps them here.
• Difficulty - 3 of 10 - Most of the holes were simple par two's with only a very few requiring more than two for a good player (I was mostly in the three's and four's, admittedly). The raised tee mats actually made things harder as it was tough to get a true roll from them, though the location of the tee mats were in the best places to start most of the holes.
• Course Creativity - 5 of 10 - It's an artistic course in terms of attractiveness of the barriers, but every hole plays largely the same - hit it against the back wall or angle and bounce around the barrier. Same walls, same angles every time.
• Surrounding Attractiveness - This category doesn't work at all in an indoor course as it's all based on the natural and planted surroundings. Honestly, the attractiveness of the decoration is pretty high. I'll give it a 7 of 10 here.
• Equipment - 6 of 10 - Scorecards were available but didn't list any pars. No card holders were present anywhere on the course. There were three putter lengths - including kiddie. Pencils were prevalent.
• Cost - 4 of 10 - $7.50 per person regularly with short people (not just kids) being cheaper. $25 "season" passes (good for 3 months) are available.
• Bonus points
  • Mechanized hazards +0
  • Employees +1
  • Hole options +1 (one hole had a cut-through)
  • Multiple-level Holes +0
  • Lighting +0 (no bonus for having lights inside)
  • Unifying Theme +1 - decorations, yes
  • Non-mini Golf Entertainment +1 - arcade, yes
  • Snack Bar +1 - minimal options available
  • Edging Material +1 - it did provide consistent bounces
  • Course Length +0
  • Course Material +0
  • Souvenirs +0 - no labels on the pencils?

Overall Points - 41 out of 90 possible

Most of the points are due, in large part, to the place's newness and decorations. I'd rather play a course that's fun and ugly than one that's really boring and has neat prettily painted walls.

I won't be going back to Monster Mini-Golf of West Chester.