March 3, 2008

Thoughts on the afterlife

We're not talking heaven or hell here, just what to expect if you end up in limbo...

Your drink would always be either just a little too hot or just a little too cold...close enough to right that you'd go ahead and drink it.

Your clothes almost fit right...not so wrong that you'd change, but almost right so you'd go ahead and wear them anyway, but you'd spend the day fidgeting with the clothes.

Every television show would start five minutes into the episode or twenty minutes in if it's a two-hour movie.

Your fingernails wouldn't grow anymore, but they'd be just a little longer than you'd like them to be.

The music would be tolerable - but not good - cover versions of songs that you like.

Fruit would be permanently on the verge of being ripe but never would quite get there, and if it ever did, it would be just a little overripe.

You'd never be first in line - but there wouldn't be enough people ahead of you that you'd give up and come back later.

The vending machines would always pay up, but it would never be what you wanted.

The weather would change daily but would never give a full day or sun or rain...just a constant threat and intermittent drizzle...not cold but not quite warm either.

You wouldn't have to wash your clothes because they wouldn't get any dirtier but they'd always have just a slight smell to them - as though you'd been wearing them for three straight days.

The humming of the fluorescent lights would be the wrong pitch - and it would change every few days so you couldn't get used to it.

And the chocolate would've bloomed.

6 comments:

calencoriel said...

I love it when our conversations become blog posts...

and, oh yeah...nice to have you back, chemguy.

achilles3 said...

sounds like being almost free...

PHSChemGuy said...

It's good to be back...I've got posts ready to drop in for the next week all typed and good to go...

good to go...

DanEcht said...

Deep, but not too deep. I like it.

staghounds said...

There would be a neighbour who talked on the telephone, or ran his television, just irregularly enough that you couldn't sleep easily. And the room would be just hot/cold enough that you couldn't get the right blanket combination, so you'd wake up sweating or chilled a couple of times each night.

And each time you'd have to pee- but not so badly that you had to get up.

PHSChemGuy said...

Seriously, that whole humming of the fluorescent lights thing would be way worse than most people realize.

When I first got to Scotland - and I'd been warned about this in advance - the pitch was just off because their alternating current apparently cycles at a slightly different rate than ours, which made the hum just a little higher pitched.

Drove me nuts for the first week or so.