December 20, 2007

Who're you listening to?


The question isn't what are you listening to but rather who are you listening to?

On Tuesday, the FCC voted to remove the rule that formerly blocked corporations from owning newspapers and television/radio in the same media market, a rule that has existed for three-plus decades and has guaranteed that there would be at least a few voices in every market.

Currently, ten gigantic corporations own a massive and frightening portion of our media. For example, when you pop open an issue of Time, Life, People, or any DC Comic series; watch the WB, HBO, Cinemax, TBS, or TNT; check a Warner Brothers movie; listen to music on any of forty record labels; or looking at the interwebs via AOL; you're opening up your mouth and getting baby-birded from AOL/Time Warner. And there are nine other massive corporations that have been gobbling up a media left and right, attempting to guarantee that whenever and wherever we turn, we're getting our messages from them.

And the FCC isn't allowing it.

The FCC is encouraging it.

The FCC which has been, throughout its seventy-year history, charged with ensuring that the media of the realm is used to contribute to the good of the people is instead ensuring that our media is instead used for the good of the corporations.

This is in spite of a national tour in which the FCC director himself asked to hear public opinion on the relaxation of media ownership rules, a tour in which he heard almost universal condemnation of further conglomeration.

And the director didn't seem to care in the least.

We need a new director.

We need a new president to appoint that new director.

We need to be angry because we're about to be controlled even further.

We need NPR and PBS and every independent radio and television station, internet streamer, and newspaper publisher possible.

And you need to check out this past week's Bill Moyers Journal to learn more.

And until then, go listen to some Steve Earle and Eric Idle tunes, would ya?

Countdown to 1000: Six posts to go...right at half a dozen...and with five days to Christmas, I'm going to have to double post a day to spot on with the holiday. I'm good with that, though, because I'm not working for the next two weeks.

December 19, 2007

A list of lists - 'cause we're Americans

I am currently down with Time's Fifty Top 10 Lists of 2007.

It's a list of best-of lists.

It's what Americans were made to make.

Somehow it's in our natural culture to make top-ten lists.

We list things the way that the British qeue up...the way Bangladeshis (sp?) put up with monsoons.

We are total beasts at it.

If we can't somehow rank it, we can't possibly enjoy it to the fullest extent.

So we turn this week to Time magazine's Fifty Top Ten Lists of 2007.

In these lists, we get to know that drug-resistance TB was a bigger underreported story than Angola's growing economy. 'Cause we need to know that kind of stuff.

Mit Romney's hunting exageration was a bigger campaign gaffe than John McCain singing "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb...Bomb, Bomb, Iran".

That The Lives of Others is nearly the best film of the year - no matter what Katydid says.

That I have only seen two of the eighteen movies listed as top. Clearly I should be seeing more movies.

I should also be reading more because the entire top ten books list is a blank to me and I really, really want to read The World Without Us, but the only ones I've read is Then We Came to the End - which is, admittedly, awesome - and HP & the Deathly Hallows - which was pretty good, too.

That frickin' Amy Winehouse song has an awesome chorus and sound. Speaking of which, I need to listen to more stuff because the only songs or albums I knew were both by Feist.

And they've got great taste in graphic novels, finally a category with which I'm familiar with #3, #5, and #6 - which has come to grow on me.

In a truly shocking development, global warming seems to be a bit of a bit deal - bigger, even, than a plane crash. Imagine that...

We know that Don't tase me, bro is a better t-shirt slogan than I have a wide stance - a fact about which I would disagree.

And we know that the most awkward moment of 2007 was the Columbia president's intro of Iranian president Ahmadinejad - more so, even, than Rudy-9/11's daughter supporting Barack.

Plus, there are some things on the list that I don't understand at all. Seriously, a mud volcano?!?!

And how does colony collapse disorder not get the #1 most under-reported story?

And that doesn't even begin to deal with Rolling Stone's Forty Reasons We Loved Television in '07.

Oh, the crappiest part of the entire fifty top ten lists is that there's nowhere you can see any of the lists in its entirety at once...which is its #1 shortfall.

Countdown to 1000: Seven posts still to go - seven of the most outstanding things you're gonna read ever...EVER...EVER...

December 18, 2007

Reviews

It's been two weeks or so since No Country for Old Men, and the movie has stuck with me like few of late. It's been getting really strong reviews, and they're totally deserved. It's an outstanding film that doesn't pull any punches whatsoever.

The tale opens with a man finding a couple million dollars and taking it home. No excitement in his world, just a very matter of fact admission to his wife that he's got two million dollars in the case and that she shouldn't ask where it came from.

But no found money that big comes without a trail behind it, and this trail is nothing but death courtesy of Anton Chigurh, an absolute force of nature who simply cannot be stopped. Everyone who steps in Chigurh's way dies. There doesn't have to be a reason, there doesn't have to be hope.

Everyone dies.

That's the movie, and that's the note that the movie leaves us with as Tommy Lee Jones comes to in the end. No one gets out of this life alive. This is no country for old men...

Thankfully the movie is subtle enough to not have a character spout that line anywhere in the film - something that I was constantly worried about, but the Coen Brothers stear clear of any sort of convention or expectation.

This is easily the best film that I've seen this year, full of emptiness and sorrow and action and absolutely gorgeous scenery that plays every bit as huge a part in this film as does Josh Brolin, the lead character.


We got around to finishing up the third and final season of Deadwood - one of Time's 100 Best TV Shows.

There wasn't anything in this season to make me rethink that Deadwood was one of the best series made in the past couple of decades. All it did leave me thinking was that it's a crime the stories weren't able to be wrapped up. Apparently the creators of Deadwood finished up the third season fully expecting to make a fourth season or a movie or two to wrap up the plots, but that never came to pass, and it looks now like it never will.

In this season we get the full realization of the plots that have been coming for two years - Swearengen and Bullock's burgeoning combined leadership of the camp, Hearst's demands on and dislike of the camp, and the coming electrions. The vulgarity and violence so prevelant through the first two seasons may actually be ratcheted up a notch as we get horrific fights going so far as to pluck a man's eyeball out in the muddy street.

Deadwood isn't for the faint of heart, and it's not guaranteed to be 100% historically accurate, but it is was outstanding. Rarely have we seen historical figures brought this brilliantly to life, scripted with lines as impressive and poetic as any that Shakespeare himself ever crafted, bloodying their hands in the much of the Earth and of each other so masterfully.

The end is undeserved and leaves many threads untied, but this is not a show to avoid just because no final resolution was ever told. What we did get was amazing.


Fables spins off with a solo tale of Jack Horner ditching the safety and security of Fabletown in favor of crossing the US doing what he does best - glorifying himself and passing the time by having a bit of fun with the ladies.

In The (Nearly) Great Escape Jack finds himself taken to the Golden Boughs Fables retirement home, a place where the librarians lock up Fables and throw away the keys, allowing the rest of the world to slowly forget about them, a situation which eventually robs the Fables of their power. Jack's appearance shakes the place up as he is unwilling to allow himself to be cowed to the head librarian's wishes, trapping himself in the retirement village. Jack, of course, attempts to break the residents free, plotting with fascinating characters such as Sam and the Pathetic Fallacy - one of the more creative Fable creations in the series.

Willingham's magic spreads succesfully to this series - though some reviewers might disagree - while taking a more light-hearted tact. Where the main series has become a giant, monolithic tale heading toward some kind of massive battle between the Adversary and the displaced Fables, Jack lets Willingham tell a more light-hearted story, lightened without the weight of the need to keep the plot moving, and it's refreshing. Not that I don't enjoy the monolithic tale of Fables, but every now and then it's more fun when the X-Files tell a stand-alone story instead of keeping the plot moving.

The artwork is solid and the story engaging. This is certainly a worthwhile addition to the canon. I look forward to the continuing tale as well as the release of The Good Prince back in main book.


Ultimate Spider-Man continues to impress me, stripping the series of the weight of continuity that has been building up for decades and writing a fresh tale of the teenage Spider-Man. This has allowed the author - Brian Michael Bendis for the entirety of the collected run so far - to take touchstones of the main continuity such as Marvel Knights and Clone Saga in these volumes and redesigning them, keeping some elements but entirely recreating others.

Where the Clone Sage was a disasterous joke in the main continuity but is rewritten in its Ultimate version as a throughly engaging tale of SHIELD and another, more mysterious governmental agency's plans to deal with what could eventually be a renegade Spider-Man. Turns out taht they've taken a sample of Petey's blood and have played with the DNA creating a half dozen different varieties of Spider-Man.

There are a few moments where the tale's flashbacks become a bit wordy - a scene with Pete's dad, comes particularly to mind - but the rest of the tale is very well told, as is the Ultimate version of Marvel Knights in which we get a team-up of Moon Knight, Daredevil, Spider-Man, Iron Fist, Shang-Chi, and Doctor Strange with the express purpose of exacting a final revenge on the Kingpin.

Daredevil brings the team together in the middle of night to plot the killing of Wilson Fisk, and things get hairy for Spider-Man in particular as he is captured and tortured by Fisk. In the end, however, it's Spider-Man who is the lone voice of heroic reason amidst the darkness that the other Knights appropriately head toward.

The Knights are a group of heroes with street-level fighting powers. Other than Doctor Strange - whose appearance here and with this group seems a very odd and incongruous one - they fight with their knuckles on a level that street thugs can relate to. They aren't, for the most part, flying above the fray taking on cosmic-level threats as the Ultimates and Fantastic Four are, and that gritieness fits beutifully with the Knights tale.

On the sidelines, the relationship triangle of Pete, MJ, and Kitty Pride continues apace following the Pete-MJ reunion at the end of the Clone Saga. I am, admittedly, a little disappointed that the Pete-Kitty relationship doesn't seem to be taking permanent hold as I thought that adjustment from main to Ultimate universe was a great addition. The tale works for the most part, however, so I'm willing to let Bendis wander with this one for a while.

The Ultimate universe continues to be strong, and Ultimate Spider-Man is the rightful flagship of this continuity, one that I enjoy so much more than I do the Marvel-616.


Lest you think that everything in the past few weeks has been outstanding, I turn to Batman: Secrets of the Batcave which has almost no reason to exist. It's a collection of self-contained tales detailing various aspects of the Batcave - the trophys, the intruders, and the origins of the cave.

There is no connecting story, and many of the tales come from the very early Batman stories, tales that I, admittedly, don't much enjoy. We get glimpses of where the giant penny comes from, the time when a young runaway stumbled into the cave, and lots of other minutia that are best relegated to trivia.

For the neophyte Batman fans, this might be a useful collection, but it bored me.


For $10 at my local Target store, I picked up a double disc of Grosse Point Blank and High Fidelity.

I've seen both of them and love them to death, but after watching Grosse Point Blank this weekend, I was reminded of how outstanding a film it really it. It's a marvelous character sketch of a man lost in his world, trying to change but knowing that he is who has made himself into.

It's hilarious throughout much of the game, but there are glimpses into the mind of Cusack's main character that allow you to see more of him than almost any other character than Cusack has ever put to film.

Countdown to 1000: 8 still coming...this thing is really gonna happen, folks...stay tuned, ya monkeys...

December 17, 2007

The weekend's white-out

It's not what you might think.

Sure, we got some snow and ice over the weekend - maybe enough but at the wrong time to cancel school, dagnabit - but I'm thinking more about the whiteness inherent in my cultural excursion on Saturday night.

We started off picking up another couple and heading down to Bistro JeanRo - a place that I've mentioned before and that continued to impress the crap out of me (steak frites for the main and dessert of creme carmel, both excellent - though the taste of the pots de creme was awfully tempting).

From there we headed over to Music Hall for the Cincinnati Pops Christmas extravaganza.

They had the Cincinnati Pops orchestra, the School for Creative and Performing Arts sernior and kids choirs, the Cincinnati Studio Cloggers, and Manhattan Transfer. The show was entertaining enough if a bit slow at point for my tastes. The cloggers clogged their hearts out - particularly one tiny clogger on the end. And the Manhattan Transfer folks were decent enough singers - though I didn't know any of their songs. I do remember one that they had a hit with in the 80s, but the group's mostly a blank to me.

What struck me, however, was the absolute whiteness of the crowd. At intermission, I scanned around our balcony - the top level of Music Hall - and saw an Asian family, an Indian family, and - at first glance - no black people. Turned out that they black couple had headed to the restroon and returned a couple of minutes later.

I was amazed to feel like I was attending some kind of white-folks-only cultural event. I know vocal jazz and clogging and caroling aren't exactly things held up as being really street right now, but I live in frickin' Cincinnati, a city that - within its official limits - is dominantly black, and we couldn't manage more than two black people in the place?

It was kinda creepy, honestly. I've gotten used to having African Americans around at school, and it was just creepy to be almost totally without any in the hall.

I don't know that I've ever felt so white.

Countdown to 1000: 9 more to go...they're like ladies dancing...

December 16, 2007

More Christmas merriment

Volume two (of three, in case you were curious) as the December Festivities continue...

Robert Earl Keene's "Merry Christmas from the Family"


Diana Krall "What Are You doing New Year's Eve"


Christina Aguilera "Christmas Time"


How to Fake a Happy Christmas with Craig Ferguson


Phoebe's Christmas Song from Friends


Old school MTv - Billy Squire "Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You" with all the early VJs


How to make an Astro-Weenie Christmas Tree


Robbie Williams destroys "White Christmas"


Live Band Aid "Do They Know It's Christmas" (and if you want to know the background behind the song, check these videos)


A Catherine Zeta-Jones Christmas wish for you


"Christmas at Ground Zero"


Countdown to 1000: 10 more to go, folks 'cause this is 990. Looks like we'll hit the magic some time right around Christmas time. Consider it my little gift to you.

I'm all a-tingle with excitment, I'll be honest.

December 15, 2007

The Title of the Blog - Part 9

I'm not a religious man.

I wasn't raised in a religious family. My parents weren't the kind to get up every Sunday morning - or every Saturday for those of you in the Cathloci or Jewish persuasion - to head to the local house of worship.

We didn't even stop by for Christmas and Easter. The closest I ever came to being a church-going young sort was during summer bible school at Mt Tabor Presbyterian Curch, and that was mostly for the Kool-Aid and cookies.

Nowadays, I claim the simplicity of being an apathesist, but I do tend to be a bit a-religious.

And it tends to bubble forth from time to time, as it appears to have done back then...
A few years ago, a fraternity brother of mine was questioning his faith. He was a pretty religious guy in a conservative, west central Indiana small town. He’d been going to church for all of his life, and sometimes during his high school years, he began to doubt whether everything he’d been hearing all the time was still going down quite right with his thoughts at the time. Doesn’t seem to radical a notion to me.

Well, this fraternity brother of mine – we’ll call him Jimmy Chitwood,, thought that’s not his real name – decided to be open and honest with people about his doubts. He told his parents and his youth pastor about his situation and told them he wasn’t going to be coming to church for a while, just until he could his thoughts straight in his own mind. Until then, he wished them well and tried to go about his way. Little did he know the arsenal that the pastor had at his calling…

The pastor drew Jimmy aside and related to him the following story…

“Jimmy,” she said, “I remember another young man about your age, who was also questioning his faith. He too had decided not to come to church and explore what else was out there. That young man started hanging out with his friends a little more, and even started swearing – just to be cool. It wasn’t any religious problem to him anymore, so he thought it wouldn’t hurt him.

“After that didn’t bring lightning down from the sky on him, Jimmy, the young man tried smoking with his friends too – just to be cool Even though he had learned that it was wrong, some of his friends did it, and he was just exploring anyway. Again, no lightning, so they boy even tried smoking. Nothing big, just tobacco at first. Heck, his friends were doing it and they seemed okay. So he tried it – just to be cool.

“Everything’s going along fine for this boy, Jimmy, and so he tried smoking some other things too. Some illegal drugs. Nothing too heavy, just marijuana here and there – just to be cool. He kind of liked it even, and it wasn’t hurting him.

“Well one day, his friends and he were just hanging out, and somebody suggested that they go up to Lover’s Point. (I made up that name because I can’t remember the real name in their town) and maybe rattle a few cars, maybe shine flashlights in a few window, you know – just to be cool. Sounded good to him Jimmy, so they went.

“They rattled a few doors, shined a few lights, and then one of the guys pulled a girl out of a car and put a bag over her head. You know, just to be cool. That boy started raping the girl and called the young man who was questioning his faith – just like you Jimmy – over and told him to have a go with her. The young man was a little reluctant, but – just to be cool – he went ahead and did it. After all, his friends were doing it.

“Jimmy, the bag fell off the girl’s head, and it was his sister Jimmy. Well I just don’t want to see that happen to you.” The pastor ended the tale then and there.

Now, I am far from condoning sister-raping or anything of that sort. That’s the kind of crime that rates right there with beer-mooching in my book, and it simply shouldn’t be tolerated. Nope, not at all. What I am a bit curious about, however, is what sort of pastor would use a blatant tactic like fear to keep one of his young sheep in the flock. That’s pretty sick, if you ask me. I would hope instead that someone in a position to guide young people, to steer them clear of dangers and the like would instead allow that young person to make up their own mind, would encourage them to explore other avenues in hopes of finding the faith that is right for them.

I would go so far, even, to say that a religion that has to scare people into its beliefs is in a pretty sad state. If the threat of hellfire and damnation is the only reason to follow in your religion, then perhaps you should rethink a bit. In my two psychology classes, we learned that punishment is the least effective means of getting someone to do what you want them to do, but maybe psychologists should take a gander at some of the cults around the world – the Jim Jones, David Koreshes, and Pope John Pauls of the world. Each man claimed to be the chosen one, to be the conveyor of the messages of “Heaven” in some way. They were all infallible, and each has lead his flock into some frightening decisions.

Perhaps Pope John Paul is not the most despicable of the men that have held his office – an elected one, remember. He was not the one who decreed that nations of people should take up arms to reclaim a city deemed holy. He was not the one to call for the inquisition of millions of Europeans in various countries. No, is merely the man most responsible for the failure of a gathering of world leaders in trying to solve the crisis of overpopulation two years ago. He is an old, frail man who leads the single most powerful political force in the world. He is the latest, most successful in a long line of cult leaders.

What would you do if a man came up to you and claimed to have known the son of god? He might have long, black hair, and a fairly short beard, or he might be a black man, or someone from the Middle East. He claims that the man walked on water and was raised from the dead. You have no proof of this other than what the man and his eleven fellow vagrants have said. They look a little shaky and seem to be delirious with their ‘faith.’ Would you cross mountains with them? Would you pledge your life to them? Would you give them a tithe from your wages? How much, and what’s your credit card number…?

December 12, 2007

The problems with dreaming

In doing some semi-regular blog maintanence I noticed that I had a blog post or two that got started but never quite made into anything substantive. Today's lost find dates back to a conversation that I had maybe a year or so ago. I remember with whom I was having the conversation - a regular commenter and blogger in her own right - but I can't for the life of me remember when or where the conversation was had.

I'm a comic book geek - in case you hadn't noticed - and I'm enough of a dreamer/dork that I've had the standard "which super power would I most want to have" conversation a dozen times in my head. It was always flight. I wanted to fly, to be able to simply think about leaving ground - no giant motions, no arm swing, no dorky arm-crooked pose - and to float or zoom into the ether above. To be able to look down on the Grand Canyon and to draft across the meadows of the midwest.

But now, as an adult and science geek, I have a different take on things.

Flying by just thinking about it isn't possible. The physics of instantaneous anti-gravity is pretty darn preposterous and crosses that one off the list. Plus flying - while cool - doesn't solve any of the problems that I have in the world.

Next option as a kid was invisibility. It'd be cool to be able to wander in and out at will, to slip unknown into the corridors or power and see what really goes on there - in the places where we suspect things are constantly happening just out of our earshot, through doors that are always shut to us.

But if you were invisible, light rays couldn't go through your eye's lense, bend toward through your iris and back onto the cornea to be received by your optic nerve and drifted brainward. You'd be blind. Plus no matter how invisible you are, your footsteps would still be heard. You'd still need to sit somewhere and it'd be awkward to be the invisible guy in the seat about to be occupied. There's the issue with people hearing your breathing, with your clothes not being invisible, with the need for invisible puffy coats lest you freeze your invisible jublies off sneaking around. So invisiblity's out.

Super strength never really appealed to me because there's always somebody stronger. And brute force rarely solves problems in what I've seen of the world, after all.

So there's telepathy - but does that mean just receiving or sending, too? And if it's sending, and you're the only one with the power, you're still gonna have to talk to people because they can't send back. If it's receiving, are you receiving at random - just absorbed in the constant static of the thoughts around you. Would things sound like total stream of consciousness, babbling brooks left and right - sun! - bright! - sad... - sex - hot - baseball - Barry Bonds - big head - Todd and the Monsters - that song I can't remember the title of or would thoughts come across as coherent messages as they always seem to in the funny pages?

And if they do come across as coherent thoughts, wouldn't that mean that there would be no secrets? That nobody could surprise you with a gift or a party or a kiss on the cheek? Would you pick up people's dreams? Would you know everybody's deepest, darkest secrets or just their superficial ones? I'm kind of okay being lied to from time to time - I know the shirt doesn't match the pants, and I'm okay with you saying that they kinda work. Thanks...

So how about super speed? Super speed - a la the Flash - requires super intake of calories, something I'm not thrilled with. If you've got to run from here to New York City in under two seconds in order to save the whatever from the whomever happens to have kidnapped the other whomever, then you're gonna need some serious runnin' fuel, and stopping by every McDonalds to empty their coffers is gonna be nearly impossible - wind resistance, the wake caused, the sonic boom, and the issue of just stealing their food kinda sucks, too.

Then there's the issue with friction. Either you have friction - in which case you're gonna catch fire from the air resistance, or you have no friction in which case you're never gonna get started or be able to slow down.

The one that as an adult I would totally choose if I could get it to work would be the ability to stop time. My most frequent wish is to have just a little more time - to catch a nap, to get that other thing done, to do that thing I'd forgotten to even start, to get a hand under the plate before it hit the ground - that time stopping would be perfect.

Except that stopping time is going to require a massive action of stopping molecules moving - a tough enough task. But I don't want all the molecules to stop moving because I still want to be able to breathe, so I need air molecules to still push their way into my lungs. And I don't want to freeze to death, so I need molecules to keep moving so there's temperature. Plus, if I want to get from point A to point B, I'm either going to have to walk or run or drive. If it's walking or running, I'm back to the need to have food made in what seems to the chefs as being an instant. I need to have burgers cooked in the blink of an eye - and I don't want to cook all of them myself, so I need to cooks to still move.

And it's not like I can stop time to catch a movie - one of my wishes is to have more time to see more movies - because somebody has to thread the projector and run the film - which I can't do and enjoy if I'm trying to watch the movie myself. And I'd want the power to let me stop time for everybody except the person/people I wanted to spend time with. Spooning in beside somebody who's frozen and immobile isn't exactly my idea of romance, and propping a friend up to fake playing minigolf isn't as fun as it was in Weekend at Bernies.

There's the blasting of some form of energy from my body - eye beams, lasers, plasma blasts - but the law of conservation of energy means I'm again stuck with the need to hork down massive amounts of fuel, something that I'm gonna just to rob a bank or something to pay for. Not a good option.

Metamorpho could change his body into any element/compound in the blink of an eye - from water vapor to caustic hydrochloric acid gas to gold to fire-fighting foam - in instants. That kind of power transfer - changing elements into other elements - again puts us back into the realm of needing to wat way too much for viaibility. You'd be eating too often to do anythign useful with your power.

How 'bout telekinesis. That'd be pretty cool, admittedly, and I'm not entirely sure that I have a valid scientific argument against it, so telekenesis might be the choice. We have magnets, and they affect objects from distances. You wouldn't have to be significantly stronger than you already are, just able to take your normal force and apply it over a distance.

Plus it'd be fun at parties.

Does anybody have a scientific argument against telekinesis?

December 11, 2007

My blogospheric haunts

In case you were curious as to which blogs I check on a regular basis, here they are...

Personal Blogs...
  • IDTMI - there's my blog, of course, but you know about that because otherwise you'd not be here reading this.
  • I Am Kyle's self-indulgence - Kyle and I have some surprisingly similar tastes in media and careers, though we certainly part ways on religion and kids. This one's a fair bit like my blog in that it's pretty much just whatever he feels like posting from day to day - video of his kids, movie reviews, general rants, whatever.
  • You Know It. - Annie's a beast of an artists, and she posts a lot of her casual works on this livejournal blog. Plus she's a PHS grad - something you'll see becomes a pattern in the personal blogs that I check regularly.
  • A coworker's blog - That's not its actual name, and she has asked that I not link to her blog from mine because while I keep my blog appropriate to be linked from my school webpage, she doesn't quite. I do check it regularly, however, and I know she lurks 'round here from time to time so I wanted to give her a shout out that I enjoy the heck out of her blog.
  • random musings of a twisted mind - The Sister's blog isn't updated too frequently, but it's always nice to read some shared recollections of childhood.
  • My thoughts - Another one that isn't updated too frequently, what with his other responsibilities. Commentaries tend to hang around sports, music, and movies more than most other topics, and I went to junior high and high school with Coach Sullivan. He's kinda a good friend.
  • Youheardme - No link here because this former coworker and frequent commenter on my blog has gone off the ranch and included vulgarity in his blog, but if you look for his profile, his blog won't be too tough to find. It's an often fascinating read and a fun commentary on media and the internets as a whole.
  • Amandalynferri - A while back AmandaLyn took off - or made private or something - a bunch of her videos, taking her numbers down from 91 posts to 35, which is a crime, but those 35 are well worth a view through.
  • Meet New School - I think this guy might've been the first former student of mine whose blog I came across - not that he didn't help with a mention of the blog in one of my comments. One of the best that we've put out from PHS and a heck of a Pasta for Pennies stallworth, Joey's blog focuses on life at college with all the video games that such a life entails.
  • phsstudent - A solid and steady blogger from somewhere near the Hundred Mile Wilderness up at Colby College and a former student of mine. He's another video game fan and a frequent reader 'round these parts.
  • Annamarie - A coworker of Amandalynfarri who I'd have to admit I've got a little bit of a crush on. Another entertaining video blog via vimeo.
  • Definitely Maybe... - This one's from a rookie blogger who's one of my student aides this year. She hasn't found her voice just yet and might or might not stick with the blogging thing for a consistent basis, but I dig her enough that I'll be following along in case she does.
  • Good to Go! - Anoher one from a rookie blogger, but this one's trying to make a go of regular postings. Another great friend of mine who hangs around this blog a fair bit. Her posts tend toward the slightly more personal than mine do, so you might need to know her to check things regularly, but if you do, she's a bit of an open book over there. Open to some things, anyway.
Entertainment Blogs...
  • Transbuddha - The tone of this one changes from time to time, and it does show some NSFW hings here and there, but they're also group of outstanding collectors of the entertainment around our interwebs.
  • essays & effluvia - Another aggreator of interweb entertainment - much less frequent than Transbuddha with just one post a day - Sunday's are always Beatle clips - the commentaries are very, very short, mostly just letting the image or video speak for itself.
  • We are game - They do a nice job throwing forth a very regular stream of web games - flash, java, etc. I'm amazed how many awesome games there are that I would otherwise miss.
  • YesButNoButYes - Another site that's pretty similar to Transbuddha in that it's a clip-heavy collector of interwebs entertainment. They're big fans of the BBC and of loads of movies - right up my alley. Plus they're willing to work blue when the time is necessary.
  • Branded in the 80s - Journey back to the days of puffy stickers, Garbage Pail Kids, scratch 'n' sniffs, and the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon with this rockin' 80s madman.
  • Say No to Crack - The college boy's a little less frequent that Yesbut and the buddha, but it's still some high quality interweb entertainment.
Technology Blogs...
  • Technically Overboard - Rob's a stud with the regular postings - a dozen every couple of years. He's way into tech and software so I tend to find as many helpful things as I do entertaining things.
  • (That's pretty much it for me since No Sheep's recent redesign.)
Comic Book Blogs...
  • Collected Edition - Gotta love the DC-heavy trade paperback blog. His reviews are thorough and well-written, and he's all comic book loverish.
  • Dave's Long Box - Here's another comic book blog but with more four-letter wods, hence the lack of a link. Dave's more likely to pick a random issue from his collection (hence the long box part of the title) and to riff for a while than he is to produce a true, coherent review. Less useful but often more entertaining.
  • Chris's Invincible Super-Blog - Now here are some serious comic reviews. Each week he goes through his pull list and reviews all of the issues - some in depth, some superficially. Plus we get to hear about what's coming via the new solicitations list. This is a comic store junky blog.
  • Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin - More frivolous that Collective Editions but way more on-topic than Dave's.
Music Blogs...
  • Some Velvet Blog - With regular postings of mp3s for you to check out - for a limited time, of course - you can get a rockin' tour of the newest music around the interblags.
  • The Late Greats - This guy tends a lot more toward what you'd call indy music and the unsigned artists - might have something to do with the litigousness (is that spelled right?) of most music labels, but it means I'm more hit or miss on listening to the tracks.
Food Blogs...
  • Candy Addict - Reviews of cool candies both new and retro. It's a load of fun for a sugarfreak like me.
  • Candy Blog - This site's another candy-centric blog but with a slightly higher, more refined palate.
  • Slashfood - Now here's a refined palate. They mix in recipes and restaurant reviews with a seemingly daily report of the food holiday du jour. It's an epicurian dream blog.
  • JunkFoodBlog - And refined is the total opposite of what this blog is all about.
  • Never Bashful With Butter - a new find thanks to TL, but dear god do these recipes read well. I'm halfway through making my first from the site - bacon chocolate chip cookies - and the kitchen smells amazing.
Sports blogs...
  • UniWatch - This is a sports uniform obsessive's absolute dream. They go through every bit of historical and current minutia possible if it's related somehow to the study of sports unis.
  • The Soul of Baseball - Highly literate, thoughtful baseball writing is hard tom comeby - but it's rather frequent on this blog.
  • Shysterball - Lawyers, baseball, and stats analysis up the wazoo...it's a clear heaven.
  • Baseball Musings - Mostly a collection of links to baseball stories around the web - not much analysis but good currency.
  • Amazin' Avenue - A Met-centric blog with good analysis. I especially enjoy their "Top 50 Mets" series which will hopefully start up this off-season.
  • Church of Baseball - And a Reds-centric blog to balance it out. It's not the equal in statheadedness of the next one, but it's an interesting set of opinions.
  • On Baseball and the Reds - JinAZ does a masterful job of analyzing the Reds in and out of the season. Very thoughtful, largely numbers-based thoughts on my favorite team.
  • The Hardball Times - This one's easily my favorite baseball blog on the net. Loads of stats and some interestng contibutions from all around. Great win-shares data, division race graphs, and links to lots more.
  • The Baseball Analysts - Tends to drift a bit into nostalgia because one of the main writers is the kid of a Dodger front office guy from decades back, but when they stick to analysis of current players and teams, it's high quality.
  • (Sadly, I can't possibly link to the two or three sports sites that I check most frequently because then my blog wouldn't be school-appropriate. Sorry, folks.)
Cincinnati blogs...
  • Cincinnati Blog - This one's all about the view from Downtown Cincinnati, and it makes me think I'd like to live down there if it weren't for the fact that I dig my house and my dogs and my yard out in West Chester.
  • The 'Nati Life - Another Cincy-centric blog that keeps me up to date on what's happening in the real town.
And that's why I don't get things accomplished on half the days I turn my computer on.

December 10, 2007

Stand up, folks

It's not something that most of us will ever be in need of, but it's certainly something that I'd like to have: a custom cardboard stand-up compelte with custom-recordable, motion-activated voice box.

Sure, it's a little costly - $150 for a life-sized stand up, but it's got the awesome options of face on body and big head, little body, and what could be funnier than a big head on a little body, eh?

December 9, 2007

Christmas videos begin

And let the festivities commence

An Ali G Christmas


"What's This?" from The Nightmare Before Christmas


"Funky, Funky Christmas" with the NKOTB


??? Morning Museum's Christmas 2003


Grace Jones performes "Little Drummer Boy" with Pee-Wee Herman (I know? How excited am I?)


Destiny's Child "Christmas Medley"


Bing and Frank sing "White Christmas"


June & Johnny's 1976 Christmas special


Will It Blend - Christmas Dinner


Sufjan's "Put the Lights on the Tree"


George Thorogood & the Destroyers "Rock n Roll Christmas"


Apocalyptica "Little Drummer Boy"


Big Mouth "Christmas Rap"

December 8, 2007

The Title of the Blog - Part 8

In which our hero finds that a column has aged well...

I like how this one reads and how it speaks to the fact that we're never mature but rather are maturing and how Wabash helped me along that path.
College takes a toll on us all. We spend eighteen years creating ourselves, craving a niche form our family and from our friends. We chip away the baby fat, shed the oily, pimply skin of junior high, and peel off the high school letterman jacket, leaving ourselves one layer closer to the truth each time as we go along.

Then one day this gangly, ungainly, self-conscious boy steps from his shell knowing that he is a man. Some of us had been kissed, some deflowered, some still pure when this happened, but damn it, we were men then. We had progressed as far as home could lead us, as far as we could grow under a roof that was not ours. At that point we were as manly as we could ever be. Each of us knew that. We were wrong.

And then we left the relative safety nest. Sure of ourselves and confident that we could handle anything that the world could dish out. We had sent away letters and checks, but now we packed something more. We surrounded ourselves with an armor of suitcases and duffel bags, dragged our every worldly belongings into trucks and cars and trailers, and set out.

I put in my yearbooks from New Albany High School because they contained the last four years of my life. They were signed by friends who I had grown to know and who I had actually let know me. They held pictures of the time when I had become what I knew then to be a man. And they let me hold on to a world that I knew would never be the same again.

I packed up my CD’s as well because I liked listening to them and because Wayne and I had been playing them on our high school radio show for a couple of years. Each time I listened to “Cecelia” by Simon and Garfunkle, I heard instead our voices singing along. Wayne was my best friend back then; he isn’t anymore.

When we left home, every one of us – me and my friends, you and yours – put in the things that we thought we could never live without. The picture of us celebrating when our high school won sectionals went into a book to be taken out once we got wherever we were going. The t-shirt we made in high school shop class went to, because it was a reminder of where we came from. And some of us even brought things from further back, things to help us remember times before we weren’t men. No matter what it was, for us Wallies, it found its way into our first room here in Crawfordsville.

For some of us that was in a fraternity, and for others it was in a dormitory. Either way, once we got here and unpacked we set out looking for people with whom we would spend our first dinner, our first weekend, and our first year. Some of the people in this group came from our freshman tutorial and some from our hallway or pledge classes. But I would wager that many of them do not still eat dinner with us on a daily basis.

After the new crowd was found, we settled into a routine of classes and weekends, binges and purges. I know for myself Wabash also meant a routine of long talks with new friends, sitting up into the wee hours chatting about home-sickness, women, and some rather weighty subjects. For other men the first year at Wabash means a first taste of freedom, of unsupervised drinking and partying, of sex and freedom. Some of us handle our first taste, and some do not. The former group ends up stronger for experimenting and for seeing what there is to see. Part of the latter group is no longer with us for various reasons: scholarships revoked, transfers made, money lost, and some even for lives taken by their own hand. But a bigger part of that group that could not handle the initial cutting of apron strings is still with us. They simply bear the scars.

Last Sunday night the Lambda Chi house voted on who to initiate as new brothers. We didn’t have to vote on three freshman because they didn’t make grades. Those three will bear some scars. One of the brothers in the house had to give up an office because his grades slipped a bit this past semester. These four are not to be singled out, however, because elsewhere at this college men are constantly slipping a bit, losing their ways from whatever path they hoped to follow. I know friends with drinking problems and others who had to leave us but who hope to come back. These people are paying the toll that college – and life – exacts.

But these men will likely make it. They will survive and hopefully will be stronger for what they have been through. They will be helped along by friends and by professors, will manage somehow see their ways to the other side of their problems, and will come out much stronger. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

That’s pretty much how I look at my time here at Wabash. I came here as a man – at least as something that I then thought was a man. I joined a fraternity and met a few real men, men whom I respect to this day. I traveled a bit, learned some facts, and most importantly shed a few more layers, leaving me a little closer to who I really am.

Today those yearbooks don’t sit on the shelves in my room because they are not who I am; they are who I
was. Instead, they’ve been replaced with different books, including one from one of the Midwest’s finest authors Garrison Keillor. In it, I found a quote that I thought I’d leave you folks with. Thanks for listening by the way…
“I need to know something more miraculous than that, the secret of happiness. What, as a child, I thought Christmas would give or college or show business, and, as a youth, I though sex would give, now, as a man, I am still looking for. I though I’d find it in my writing but is only work, like auto repair except more professional.” - “Who do you think you are?” Garrison Keillor

December 7, 2007

Desperation...



Today's music clip isn't fully school-appropriate (it has a couple of b's and a solid s later in the game), but it's killing me that I haven't found anywhere that I can download the song.

No luck on iTunes.

No luck via various torrent sites.

No luck at the library.

There might be one hope via ILL, but if that fails, I'm totally stumped.

Any help, folks?

Edit: Grace hooked me up via whatever magical means she has. Thanks for your help and advice, folks.

December 6, 2007

A fundraising idea

We are always looking for new fundraisers for Pasta for Pennies.

I'm thinking that this, while a lucrative possibility, might not be the best choice.

And in other news, I love British accents...

December 5, 2007

Taking another mindless day

Because I'm taking another day to throw down something that doesn't require any real thoughts...maybe some emotion on Thursday...

Thanks, as is usually the case, is owed to wikipedia...

My five favorite films nominated for Best pic in the 1990s
  1. Unforgiven
  2. Quiz Show
  3. Goodfellas
  4. The Thin Red Line
  5. American Beauty
  6. Wow...I would not have guessed Pulp Fiction to be aced out of the list...this is a really, really strong start of the twenty five
My five favorite films nominated for best pic in the 1980s
  1. Field of Dreams
  2. Raging Bull
  3. Raiders of the Lost Arc
  4. Amadeous
  5. Rain Man
My five favorite films nominate for best pic in the 1970s
  1. Apocalypse Now
  2. The Godfather, Part II
  3. Chinatown
  4. The Godfather
  5. MASH
  6. Another tough list - had to leave off The Sting, American Graffiti, Jaws, and Nashville...
My five favorite films nominated for best pic in the 1960s
  1. Dr Strangelove, or how i stopped worrying and learned to love the bomb
  2. The Hustler
  3. Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid
  4. Lawrence of Arabia
  5. The Graduate
My five favorite films nominated for best pic in the 1950s
  1. The Bridge on the River Kwai
  2. 12 Angry Men
  3. Ben-Hur
  4. On the Waterfront
  5. High Noon
Oh, and this appears to be post #978...in case you were keeping track...looks like it'll be close on hitting the magic number around New Years...

December 4, 2007

Return of the Random Ten

Sorry, after yesterday's maudlin posting, I'm going to take a couple of days of frivolity...more emotion is unlikely to come 'round anytime soon...to quote one of my favorite movies, strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one...

though most of your folks 'round here - at least most of you who comment - are far from strangers...

Random ten songs from the iTunes...
  • "Reveries (edit)" by Dimitri from Paris - outstanding little groove from a great album Sacrebleu...not enough folks know about Dimitri, and seeqpod doesn't find much of his work, which is a crime...fun electonica with influences of chill and old school Paris fun
  • "Uninvited" by Alanis Morrissette - not all the Unpluggeds from MTv worked, but Alanis's did...this one's a little bit of a downer for my tastes...she can be a bit emotional at times
  • "Jealousy" by Liz Phair - Liz won't be making any of my seeqpod lists for you folks (not the still-in-school ones, anyway) because she is as vulgar and sexually open as just about any artist, but it totally works...this ones' from Whip-Smart which is a lesser album than either Whitechocolatespaceegg or Exile in Guyville...I lost track of her after she went pop a couple of albums later, but those first three were a totally awesome shot across the bow of the 90's...this one's fun but not the best on the album...
  • "Extraordinary Girl" by Green Day - I'll put American Idiot up against just about anybody's nonimee as best album of the past five or ten years...the rock opera that works as an album and hasn't been turned into an actual rock opera yet...let's call it a concept album then...
  • "Decatur, or, round of applause for your stepmother!" by Sufjan Stevens - though Illinoise might edge into the discussion for me...love the weird instrumentation with banjo thrown in for good measure...he can be way too literate and uppity at times, but when he hits it right, it's hard to find prettier music
  • "Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground - this one doesn't fit after the last, but it's a hell of a grovve in its owen right...sums up the early 90s to me...loved the couple of hits that these guys had, and the schtick with the big schnoz worked for me...a little on the blue side of the equation, but who cares
  • "Beeswing" by Richard Thompson - one of the prettiest songs I've ever heard...real melancholy from the master of it...a tale of love lost and regret years later...wondering where she ended up and knowing that you can't hold on to what can't be held...a similar sentiment to "Love is a Rose" by Neil Young
  • "Everybody Knows" by Ryan Adams - it's taken me a while to come around the Easy Tiger and the highlights aren't quite on par with Ryan Adams's absolute best, but there isn't a stinker on the album...this one's damn pretty
  • "Wabash Cannonball" by Roy Acuff and the Smoky Mountain Boys - the whistle in the background is hokey and a big gimmicky, but it's old timey and high and lonesome like nobody's business
  • "Prologue" by Loreena McKennitt - the only one that I don't know by name on today's list...I need to drop a random ten from the school computer sometime soon to show how different my music there is compared to what I have at home...the stuff at home is only what I love listening to...the school stuff is at times intentionally weird, intentionally annoying, a mix made to make people wonder what is coming out of the speakers next...as I listed to the McKennitt track, though, I remember her lovely voice la-la-la-ing its way through this track...pleasant and moody enough to fit on The Book of Secrets Album but not enough to get heavy play like "The Highwayman" on the same disc
All in all, a good, solid list for me...a couple of outstanding tracks with good role players filling in admirably...

More randomness tomorrow...

Oh, and I tried to seeqpod this list but to no avail...the first three songs struck out...another time, then...

December 3, 2007

Family photo reflections

It's the cute, striped shirt that maked me look like such a stud.

Dad's in the mustache and the stylin' red jacket - which, honestly, has come back around to be about what a lot of my students, particularly the soccer players - wear today.

Grandpa - mom's dad - is holding me, and his father-in-law is leaning down on the right hand side.

I must've been about four years old when the picture was taken, and it's pretty clear that I wasn't all that enthused to be in the picture. Looking back now, however, I love the picture. It's the only photo that I can find that has four generations of my family - even if three of the guys are related only by way of marriage.

Over Thanksgiving, the family - ma, pa, sis, and I - sat down to sort through a big box of family photos that had been building up in Dad's closet for a few years. We got rid of some photos that we couldn't identify or that were just general scenery photos from some vacation out west. Then we spent a bunch of time labeling the backs of photos so that twenty...forty...a hundred years from now we'd be able to say who those people were.

And I got sad.

I love having the old family photos around, and someday we'll get that picture rail up so we can display them properly. And I'll be thrilled to be able to add some more to the collection once the even bigger box gets all sorted out.

But I got sad because The Girl and I decided finally - I'm pretty sure - this past summer that we're going to head into the great wide whatever as a pair instead of a trio or more. So I wonder why I'd bother sorting and labeling pictures. I know who's in 'em, and the rest of the immediate family knows who's in them.

But we at least had to label them so that...

...um...

the next gener...

I remember asking my mom a couple of years ago whether she was happy she had kids, because she's mentioned how much she doesn't like kids as a general rule. She's said that she didn't much care for the kids of her friends when she was first married and headed toward being a mom herself, and she doesn't so much like the grandkids of her friends now that she's moved into that age group.

She said, however, that she loved her kids - loved playing with us, loved raising us - more than anything else she'd ever done. She didn't know how she would have marked the passage of time if it weren't for us, how she would have justified her last thirty years if it weren't for raising us.

And I have no idea why I was labeling the photos...

December 2, 2007

Beatles did it!

U2 doing "Help"


Takui doing "A Hard Day's Night"


Fiona Apple doing "Across the Universe"(done better but not embedable by Rufus Wainwright and more weirdly by Laibach and David Bowie)


Boy George & Lily Savage going "All You Need is Love" (also by Sing & Swing, Noel Gallagher, the Avenue Q cast and from Love Actually)


A bonus "All You Need is Love" by Infinity Challenge


Sigourney Weaver doing "Back in the USSR" (and so are Magni and Billy Joel and - wow! - Ruslana)


The King's Singers doing "Blackbird"(or Sara McLachlan or CS&N)


Elan doing "Can't Buy Me Love" (no embedding of Blackstreet's radically different version)


Tough call on this one - Ike & Tina Turner doing "Come Together"(I could've chosen The John Butler Trio or Jan Erling Holberg or Michael Jackson or Aerosmith or Doghouse Riley)


Ray Charles doing "Eleanor Rigby" (over Dee Snyder, Bond, Oasis, Godhead, and Stanley Jordan)


And finally, the cast of Across the Universe with a medley


This may be something I revisit another week...I'd like to get Aretha's "Eleanor Rigby" and Allison Kraus's "I Will" and a few others in here, but the post has a dozen videos already...plus this gave me a chance to play around with the various embedding color options that youTube has offered...

Thanks to Wikipedia

December 1, 2007

The Title of the Blog - Part 7

And again I turn to the letter column of another paper for inspiration and take some cheap shots at the conservative folks. Rut, hello...

Thank you, Mr. S.D. Wray. Every week or two, I search my little corner of the world for some bit of wisdom. This I attempt to weave into some creative conglomeration of comments for The Bachelor to give you. This week, I turn to a fellow Wabash man for my inspiration. Mr. Wray, I owe you a debt of gratitude, for your words have sparked a bit of inspiration and possibly of revelation within me.

More than fifty years after Mr. Wray graduated from Wabash, he still finds enough time to keep abreast of conditions at his former school, to think about these happenings, and to comment thoughtfully and with purpose on what he finds. Mr. Wray, I congratulate you, and I hope that you would grant me permission to quote you like this:
There is a gradual awakening across our land of many parents and alumni who have been unaware of the degradation in all levels of education. The demand for greater accountability is increasing. It is time for [Melissa] Butler and [President Andrew] Ford and a host of others at Wabash so see that traditional values will prevail. ~ S.D. Wray, Wabash Class of ‘42, Greentown
Most of Mr. Wray’s letter discusses primarily the showing of 120 Days of Sodom, Morgan Knull, the Wabash Commentary, and a few other situations here at good old Wabash. But these are not the topics that I hope you will consider this week. Try instead to focus in on the last sentence of his letter, specifically on the phrase ‘traditional values.’ In the past decade or less, these words have been brandished about like some sort of holy sword, like the Excalibur of the politician. Some choose to wield it as they would a mace, clubbing people over the head while debasing the true spirit of traditional values. They have used these words as though they were some savage totem, to be touched only when absolutely necessary, and even then to be insulted or put down. I, for one, am outraged.

Perhaps a more thorough consideration of traditional values than these people have put in is needed. Traditional values are what made Ronald Reagan a great man. As his birthday (Feb. 6) approaches us, let us never forget that Old Ronnie was the man who lead us out of the dark times of Jimmy Carter and the last vestiges of hippies. Instead, we got a man who was not afraid to admit that he didn’t know much and a generation founded on more traditional principles like greed and selfishness. But, traditional values didn’t go much further back than our finest President.

Every high school history book relates – and distorts – one of our centuries darkest times for traditional values: the 1960’. This was the decade when blacks began to get even more uppity, demanding that they be given equal citizenship, when they had already been given separate but equal status, just as they had always been, just as ‘traditional values’ had demanded. Not only that, but they often refused to fight for their rights as people traditionally had. Nope, they wanted to get their way by passive resistance. Weenies…

Not only were the blacks a problem to traditional values in the sixties, but the teenagers were too. They wanted to change the world, wanted to make it so everybody could be happy and could love each other. They just didn’t realize that traditional values don’t have everybody happy. The teenagers started doing drugs and listening to ‘musicians’ like Bob Dylan, people who preached peace, love, and DOPE! Luckily, the sixties were also the decade of Father Knows Best and Leave It to Beaver, two examples of the finest traditional values has ever had to offer.

But the 1960’s weren’t the only decade to challenge traditional values. Nope, the 1860’s put up quite a fight as well. That was the decade when the population of the United States, a nation founded on the base of traditional values, split itself into two parts. Not the North and the South, because fighting is a traditional value, but into the blacks and the whites. It was that decade when the black people of America had their finest and worst hours. First, they actually had the honor to fight for something to believe in. But, sadly, they choose to fight against what had been tradition – something we should uphold at all costs – for centuries: slavery.

Moving back through our nation’s history, we find other groups fighting against tradition, a foolhardy thing to do even though a very small minority does occasionally succeed. Women demanded that they be given the right to vote when they traditionally had not. Children cried out when someone said that the tradition of child labor was wrong, that perhaps youth would be better served in schools than in mineshafts. Why, even the Indians fought us when we simply did what tradition demanded and conquered a proud but technologically backward people. Europeans have for centuries been doing those sorts of things, and I for one am thankful that traditional values do win out as they did over the redman.

But, traditional values come from a wellspring far older than even our occupation of North America. Traditions had been laid down for centuries in Europe as serfs plowed and tilled the fields for their masters, their owners, their noblemen. People were unable to read until that damn Güttenburg came along. Christians were fed to the lions. Women were taken first by the king and then by their husbands. Jews were persecuted. Opium was smoked. Women were property. Witches were burned at the stake. A man’s first sexual experience came when he was a boy and it was with another man, between the thighs. No homosexuality involved just solid Platonic relationships. If you wanted a woman, you bonked her over the head and dragged her back to your cave. Damn it, life was good.

But, in truth, life was better even before then. We had a little to worry about. We swung ‘round in the trees, picking food and eating it whenever we needed to. Sure our knuckles scraped the ground, but life was simpler then. Actually, if you ask me, we never should have left the oceans…but perhaps we should ask Mr. Wray…