Lonnieburger Baskets: Smashburger

It's been far too long, I know.

I promise you three burger recommendations in the next few weeks, however, as The Girl and I have visits planned. The schedule has been wonky this quarter at UC.

On a stormy Friday evening, we got back on our burger quest and visited the newest contender in the 'burbs: Smashburger.

That picturesque burger certainly would be a solid draw, but it didn't remotely resemble the burgers that were served to either The Girl or me this night.

Burger

• The Smashburger patty is reminiscent of a diner-style, Steak 'n' Shake burger, something that shows the freshness of the grind and the looseness of the patty formation. Check out the pauperedchef for details on the technique. This isn't a burger that's going to be tough, and you can even see in the above photo that the burger has pretty big crevasses in the patty. That's all good for me.
  
  The outside had a nice crust, but the 1/3 pound burger left enough middle to the patty so that the center wasn't overdone at all. It was a solid medium, about how I like my burgers, and with a nice, beefy flavor.
  
  The problem with the burger patty itself, however, was that our hands became slippery and slimy pretty quickly from the grease dripping off of the burger. This clearly is not lean beef. This is like 60% lean or something (I jest, I keyed) because the burger left a coating of grease on our hands and in our mouths. It wasn't a good thing. Burger - 6

Toppings

• As you can see on the Smashburger menu (Ohio version here), they offer six standard burgers plus a make-your-own option. The Girl went for the Buckeye Burger without mayo, and I chose to go with the standard bacon cheeseburger, done a little more cheaply by choosing to order a BBQ, bacon, and cheese without the barbeque sauce. I did get onion straws which aren't standard for the burger tastings, but I think we'll be okay here.
  
  The Girl's burger came dressed. Mine didn't. For some reason, I just sort of assumed that lettuce and tomato were standard. Turns out I should have asked for them. Not a problem; the menu said what was on my burger. I just made an assumption that clearly shouldn't have been made.
  
  The onion straws were, indeed, thin as advertised. They weren't crispy, but that wasn't really expected in spite of the descriptions by the workers that they were both thin and crispy. The important thing was the thinness as The Girl has picked non-thin onion straws off of burgers (I'm talking about you, Habits). The fried onions and jalapenos both probably added to the greasiness of our burgers, but neither fried bit felt overfly greasy.
  
  The bacon was nicely flavorful but not evenly cooked, leaving some parts nicely crisp while others were still fatty and a bit more chewy than I would like on a burger. The lettuce wasn't iceberg (a plus) but did have a small bad spot that had to be picked off of the leaf. The tomato wasn't tasted, sadly. It's not high summer yet anyway; best to steer clear of tomatoes still. The cheese was standard cheddar, decently melted on my burger, a little less melty on The Girl's burger.
  
  All in all, toppings were fine. Toppings - 6

Fries

• Smashburger offers two types of fries: French fries and Smashfries. (They have a theme to their menu: smashfries, smashchicken, smashsalads, smashdogs, smashsides.) The French fries are typical shoestring fries, reminiscent of Steak 'n' Shake but a little thicker. The Smashfries are the same fries but with a little olive oil, garlic, and some sort of green herb (we didn't get much of an herbal taste, so we're guessing parsley.) Both fry sides are a buck cheaper if you order a burger, and the Smashfries are thirty cents more for the flavoring either way.
  
  We got an order of each to try both. The French fries didn't taste fresh are cooled very quickly. They had only the slightest amount of salt and needed more. The Smashfries were warmer but certainly had fewer fries in the basket. Don't know if that's an intentional thing or not, but it was noticeable. If the French fries were a typical serving size, the side was plentiful but not enough for two to share. If our Smashfries were a more typical side, they weren't plentiful but rather passable in volume.
  
  The Smashfries were tasty as the olive oil and garlic lent a nice flavor. These were more heavily and appropriately salted. They were, however, far greasier even leaving a pool of olive oil in that third picture above. Fries - 6

Ambiance

• That second photo isn't actually of the West Chester Smashburger. It's a generic photo from the Smashburger website but does show you how an interior is set up. West Chester has more free-standing tables, but it's pretty much that restaurant shown above with an extra ordering aisle/walkway as you enter. The top photo is of our local Smashburger.
  
  There's a lot of hard surfaces - tile, painted walls, exposed ductwork ceiling - in our Smashburger. This leads to a rather noisy experience. The color scheme of red and white keeps things pretty harsh, too. All in all, Smashburger isn't a relaxing place. It's a place designed to get you in and out with your burgers and to remind you that you're in SMASHburger. This isn't a weak burger joint.
  
  I didn't like the interior. It's not clean and crisp enough to be White Castle-esque, nor is it comforting and neighborly. It's not a sports bar. It's just loud and kind of in your face without being overly so. Ambiance - 5

Cost

• Burger $5.99 + fries $1.99 or $1.69 + drink $1.79 = $9.77 or $9.47..either way, that's a 5 on a 10 scale. By the way the online menu for Ohio lists adult beverages, but our location doesn't seem to have a liquor license, so those options are covered up with Smashburger stickers in West Chester. Cost - 5

 Other Stuff

• There's just not much else to say. The bacon was tasty which would probably get a bonus point, but it wasn't evenly cooked, so that's pretty much negated.
• Apparently they have milkshakes that are handmade, but neither of us tried one, so I can't offer anything there.

In total Smashburger is a respectable but not special burger joint earning 28 points. There's no attempt to be a local, neighborhood joint or to do anything other than serve decent burgers at a decent price.

Our Five Guys is located less than half a mile south of Smashburger, and I don't see any way we'll ever be choosing Smashburger over Five Guys. Five Guys has better fries, better burgers, and a slightly cheaper price.

• Terry's Turf Club - 45
• Cafe de Wheels - 44
• Senate - 43
• Five Guys Burgers and Fries - 36 
• Roxy's - 36
• VanZandt - 34
• Gabby's - 34 
• Oakley Pub & Grill - 34 
• Quatman's - 32 / 34.5
• Troy's - 32 
• Wildflower Cafe - 31.25 (scaled from 26/40) 
• The Pub at Rookwood Mews - 28
• Smashburger - 28
• Habits Cafe - 28
• Graffiti Burger - 27
• Arthur's - 26
• Sammy's - 25

 Next up, visits to Stuffed on Vine and Gordo's.