The best rules...

The first clean hit for "Rule number _____" on Google... (or"rule # ____" if that's more interesting)...

1. Phil Town NYT best-selling author of Rule #1
   "1) Find a wonderful business, 2) Know what it's worth as a business, 3) Buy it at 50 percent off, 4) Repeat until very rich"
2. Rule Number Two: Lessons Learned in a Combat Hospital

   There are two rules of war.
   Rule number one is that young men die.
   Rule number two is that doctors can't change rule number one.

   --M*A*S*H: TV show
   
3. Urban Dictionary: rule number 3
   When asking someone about the number of sexual partners they've had, multiply a woman's answer by 3, because a woman wouldn't want to seem like a slut. When a man answers, divide the number he gives by 3, because he wants to seem like a player.
4. Family Motor Coach Association - Remember Rule Number Four?
   Owning a motor coach is a never-ending learning experience.
   And just when you think you know it all, you find out just how stupid you really are.
5. Rule 5 draft
   (Tough to summarize. It deals with descriptions of draft rules and who can('t) be protected on major/minor league rosters.)
6. Stormwind: Personal Tangents
   "Rule Number 6 is 'Don't take yourself so damn seriously.'" 
7. Urban Dictionary: Rule number 7
   Rule #7 is don't touch the women, but they can grab anything they want to!
8. My Stupid Rules.com - Rule Number Eight
   Gee, that s*** just falls into my hands.
9. NCIS: Gibbs Rules
   Never go anywhere without a knife.
10. The Sandman: Rule Number 10
    A surgeon is assigned the anesthesiologist he/she deserves. 
11. Food Rule Number 11
    Avoid Foods You See Advertised on Television
12. Rule Number 12- moonprincessnat
    "Rule number 12, never date a co-worker," Gibbs managed to get out once they came back up for air. 
13. Federal Rules of Civil Procedure - Rule 13
    Counterclaim and Crossclaim (There's a lot of detail...read it yourself if you're curious.) 
14. Aria's Rules for Ladies - Rule Number 14
    A lady holds her head high but never her nose. 
15. Rule number 15 of the Handbook
    No one remembers who you weren't. Just who you were. - The realization of your true self far outweighs the consequences of unpopularity. 
16. Urban Dictionary: Rules of the Internet
    There are NO girls on the internet.
17. Zombieland: The rules
    Don't be a hero.
18. The Daily Brief: USMC Rules for Gunfighting
    Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.)
19. State of Delaware: Title 4 Alcoholic Beverage Control
    A rule defining the words hotel, motel,  restaurant, and dinner theater. 
20. Online Forex trading with 27 Forex Trading Rules
    Do not take more than 3 trades from the 4 hour chart and not more than 2 short term trade. In summary, no more than 5 trades (5% risk trades) should be opened at any particular time. Trades can however be added with time when the previously opened ones becomes profitable. 

From here, things devolve into repition of Federal Rules of Civil Procedure and Aria's Rules of Ladies. It's pretty boring from here.

Thanks, by the way, to rules 34 and 63 of the internet which were the original inspiration for this question.

Oh, and there will be a quiz later.