August 25, 2007

Not entirely unlike a regular post

So we're gonna have breakfast at good ol' PHS this year.

We've finally reached whatever magical threshold of free and reduce lunch-eligible students that we're required to offer those students a free breakfast as well. Other students can get the same breakfast, but they'll have to pay for it. I knew this was coming back in the spring, but it was just a couple of days ago that I found out the details of what the kids would be getting for their breakfast - cereal bars and juice. Nothing too tough to cook each morning, and nothing terribly nutritious either, I'm guessing.

In a conversation not entirely surprising for me, I used this as a jumping off point (not intentionally, mind you - things like this just happen inside my brain) for considerations of how we might be able to get a little more nutrition into the breakfast. Maybe we could throw in some Pop Tarts, particularly of the blueberry variety so that the kids could get a little more fruit for breakfast.

Ah, but do fruit-flavored Pop Tarts really have fruit in them? And if they don't, how exactly would you label them to try to trick people into thinking they were truly fruit-filled?

In a world where food isn't cheese but it is cheesy...where Chik-Fil-A sells ice dream...where food isn't beef but it is beef-flavored, what is the best appellation for Pop Tarts that don't have blueberry in them (I can't find the actual ingredients anywhere on the web because the official Pop Tart website - while fun - is about as useful as toilet paper to a centaur)?

Would you call them...
  • Bluererry-y Pop Tarts - the addition of the extra y makes pronounciation tough
  • Blueberryesque Pop Tarts - a little more high-brow a version of the previous
  • Blueberryish Pop Tarts - and a little more low-brow
  • Pop Tarts Reminiscent of Blueberry - a little wordy but doesn't actually say there are blueberries in there - the definition just says it "bring to mind"
  • Pop Tarts with a hint of blueberry - you can give hints without really giving away the real food, the answers
  • Pop Tarts not entirely unlike blueberry - my personal favorite but probably a little obvious
  • Blueberry-Flavored Pop Tarts - lame, predictable
  • Pop Tarts with the essence of blueberryness - what, though, really is the essence of a blueberry if not real blueberries - could be trouble
  • Pop Tarts that make you think of blueberries - it clearly doesn't say there are blueberries in there
  • Bluebarry Pop Tarts - ah, the old malk trick
  • Bluuberry Pop Tarts - see previous
  • Blueberry-Smelling Pop Tarts - when they're heated, this could work well
  • Pop Tarts with artificial blueberry flavor - again, lame
  • Pop Tarts that remind you of blueberries much more than just about any other Pop Tart flavor does - could be a bit lengthy for the label
Your thoughts? (Other than the fact that my mind is a scary place to be sometimes...)


DanEcht said...

My only thought is that you might have meant breakfast when you repeatedly typed lunch?

achilles3 said...

How about "NOT Blueberry Pop Tarts"?

PHSChemGuy said...

Clearly, yes, those words should have been breakfast. I'll go back in and edit that. Thanks for noticing...

And if the Not were written small enough, I'd go for it, Lakes.